From the courts of Westminster to the farm fields of Bronson...

I'm wishing I was sipping tea with the Queen Mother and new Duchess Kate, but in reality, I'm wearing sweatpants, watching roof debris fly past my sliding door (don't worry- its sunny, but there is construction), and trying to convince Adam that its perfectly normal to answer his questions with "Cherrio!" and "Pip, pip!"

I wasn't one of the millions tuning in to the Royal Wedding this morning at 4AM (my pillow and I have an extreme love-affair), but I am a sucker for anything British. I guess that's what happens when your grandma was a war-bride from Nottingham and had you drinking tea since you were 5. And it probably helps that I'm getting married soon and am completely enamored with the pomp and splendor of weddings!... yeaaaah, that might have something to do with it. :)

Now for switching gears from the courts of Westminster to the farm fields of Bronson...meet Haley, Emmett, and Skyler.

Haley was my roommate for two years in college (and also one of my bridesmaids for August; squee!), and she and her cousins joined together for an afternoon to get some family pictures taken for their sweet Granny's Mother's Day present. And since it's only been, oh, a decade, since they had pictures taken, it was due time.

The rain was determined to squall any chance we had for pictures, but we were more determined to get these pictures taken. I mean, if we can get Emmett to smile, we can take rockin' pictures in the rain. :)

Between balancing a big, green umbrella, my Canon, and my pride (yes, I did sing "Whatever You Like" to make Emmett smile), the day turned out to be a great success. They are a beautiful (fun!) family!

Granny will be pleased.

"He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases."

To be honest, I can't even remember the last time I blogged. This week feels like foreeeverrr, and I'm desperate for a new week. New start. But that's why I'm thankful for the rain. We here in Holland have experienced rain every single day (at least for a small portion, if not hours upon hours), and after what happened last weekend, I'm so grateful for the earth - myself - my memory - to be washed clean.

Early Saturday morning, I became ill. Like, the kind-of-sick you only experience every decade. Where you don't know whether to sit on the toilet or put your head in it. I had the wonderful dilemma of needing both options at the.exact.same.time. You can probably imagine how that went. So, this weekend was no picnic.

Now, for most folks, a couple days at most and they can jump right back on the bandwagon and start exercising, eating normally, even drinking. But, when I get sick like that, my whole world gets shifted. Turned upside-down. And I'm stepping on egg-shells. To put it lightly, I have extreme health anxiety. It began a decade ago. Before I knew better. Before I knew how to conquer it. Before I believed in the healing power of Jesus Christ and the strength He provides.

And it was hell.

And that's the thing about fear. Any kind of fear. It finds the perfect opportunity to sabotage your mind, and when it finds your weak spot, it hits hard. Crawling into every crevice and wrapping doubt around every line of self-talk.

But this time its different. I know I can succumb to fear. I've seen myself completely debilitated by the power of the devil and his motives to make me as unlike Christ as possible. I was not created to be a being a fear. And the good news? I know how to defeat it.

I wish I could say that I've used every tactic in my book, and I'm right back to where I was a week ago. I can't. I was defeated by fear this weekend, and I've lost my safety net of security and have been dodging panic attacks left and right. But I am acknowledging that this is not me. This is not who I was intended to be.

So for now, I'm taking so much hope in my Savior. And His healing -truly, healing- power.

"He took up our infirmities and carried our diseases." Matthew 8:18

I know that my circumstances in this season doesn't change that God is still God. And He's still on the throne in Heaven, and He still rules. And He's still bigger than EVERYTHING I'm facing.

And if you'd please pray that God would continue to put a wall of spiritual protection around my thoughts and heart, I would be so grateful! Thank you, friends!

Jasmine Star...and me.

I'll just admit it. For awhile there, I loved Jasmine Star. And when I say I loved her, I was border-line stalker. We were "friends" on Facebook, I "followed" her on Twitter, and I read her blog religiously. And not only her updated posts; I would go through her archives, send her links to friends, and probably made my fiancé super concerned since I was obsessed with a wedding photographer 3 months after we started dating. It wasn't the wedding aspect I was attracted to. Her art-form captured me. Her personality, humor, and slight oddities made me believe that I too could become a photographer. I tried to follow in her exact footsteps. So when she mentioned ShowIt as her hosting site, I signed myself right up. $39 a month? No big. I was going to be Jasmine Star.

As money got tighter, I calculated what I was actually going to be paying per year. $468.00 There no way I was going to pay that. I was just starting out, and I didn't even use all the cool components of ShowIt (let alone know how to)! Then, I realized: I'm not Jasmine Star. I'm not ever going to be. And honestly, I don't want to be.

Who I am makes my business different than everyone else's. My eyes see things so much differently than Jasmine Star or David Jay or Chase Jarvis. That's why my business works for me in my lifestyle: which just so happens to include grilled cheese sandwiches, garage sale steals, and new love.

So, I've switched hosting sites and templates. Something much more affordable for me...and well, something for me. That was just me. Welcome to the new [bg photography].

I'm in love.

I'm introducing specific password-protected galleries and shopping carts for my clients. I believe I can better cater to their needs by offering print service directly through me and simply cutting out the middle man.

Seeing it for the first time - all completed - was like seeing a part of me. I designed this. I did all the technological work (*cough* thank you, Adam ;)). This is me. My work. My life. And I couldn't be happier.

I couldn't be happier to just be me.

12x12 books, daffodils, and being grateful.

Glee Cast radio is blaring (thank you, sweet Karra), e-mails have been answered, and the dishes are done. Wait, what? Dishes? Done? Talk about accomplishments.

Yesterday, I hinted at blogging about free 12x12 books. It was actually more like a statement than a hint, but that's neither here nor there...po-TAY-toes, po-TAH-toes. When I purchased my wedding dress, I received a booklet with a bunch of free offers. I'm flipping through the book when I see it: Shutterfly. Bulging eyes. Racing heart. It's like Christmas morning. A free 12x12 photo book. Of course, the expiration date is March 31, 2011...a whole 5 months before our weddings and thus wedding pictures. (Who DOES that?!) I switch to business mode and think to myself, What a perfect portfolio book!

I quickly filled the 20 pages with a few of my favorite shoots over the past year, and voila!

Even if I don't get an opportunity to show it to a potential client (since I book mainly via the internet), I'm incredibly grateful to have some of my first year's work printed and bound in this hard-cover book. It may not be Shakespeare or Bronte, but it's going on the shelf with'em!

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The drive between Adam's and mine apartments includes a 15 mile stretch of pure country road. Like, you-better-plug-your-nose-from-this-street-to-that-street type of country. Aside from the smells, you'll also find things worth breathing in like little stands featuring seasonal veggies and flowers. I yearn for the bright yellow, dancing pinks, and warm oranges to fill my apartment with color. And today, Adam stopped by the roadside and brought me a bouquet of daffodils-- an ultimate sign of spring (and kindness). How lucky am I?

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Chocolate cake has been sitting on my counter for an hour and that's an hour too long. An hour too long may be exaggerating. 58 minutes too long. Yes. Let me eat cake!

Summer days, friends > chores, and fish funerals.

I don’t know what’s worse. Spending your two days off sick with a cold or waking up after your two days off with a cold. I’m in boat number 2 -- taking a turbulent ride on a journey through the next five days of work with a box of Kleenex tissues (with lotion) in my purse. So, we’re having a disjointed blog today.

I’m learning to let some unimportant things take a back seat in my life. Example one: cleaning. I am not one of those people that can really bear a dirty house. Clothes everywhere, dishes piled high; it all makes me squeamish and gives me a heaping helping of anxiety. But my heart has been heavy with relationships lately, so I spent the past week with Glee marathons, chatting over cool mint Oreos, and late night g-chatting because people are worth it. And they are definitely worth more than clean houses or stocked fridges. We yearn for that relational investment…to start friendships and watch them flourish over dinners, inside-jokes, and memories that don’t fade with time.

So, we’ve established: friends > clean house. Here is my house.

I told you it was bad. But after a successful Glee marathon with a good friend, I turned up Pandora radio, busted out some dance moves that would make any Showchoir proud (or embarrassed), and spring-cleaned, reorganized, and completely obliterated all dishevelment. Oh, did I forget to mention the 80-DEGREE WEATHER? Open windows that let sheer curtains dance in the wind? Hello, love. ♥

Yesterday was all sorts of love and disaster. Adam and I accompanied my sister and all my nephews to one of my favorite stores: Petco. You see, I took Landon to Craig’s Cruisers over his spring break for some mega-tickets. Landon spent some of his tickets on a goldfish (Kristen and I have a running debate on the importance of pets in kids’ life. I am in favor of pets; lots of them. She gags about the fish). But, you know carni fish…they die after 24 hours. So first we went to Petco to buy new fish (more “hearty” fish as the employee put it) and then have a funeral for Dave who died.

Kids love pet stores. Fish in particular are so attractive with all their colors, the deep cerulean of the water in the background, and their languid movements.

We ended our day the way we like to best. Out on our country roads, windows down, with the sun setting. A taste of our much loved Michigan summers that just can’t come soon enough.

On the blog tomorrow? Free 12x12 books and bathing suit season. :) Happy Tuesday!

Hazy days, details, and cat naps.

I love these hazy days. Clouds cover the sky and is rainfall imminent . The 40-degree weather can't stop me from opening the windows though because the birds are chirping and the cats want to watch from the windowsill. It is the perfect day for writing.

I've missed these days. Where the house is quiet...still from the over-busyness that's lingered on dates of my calendar. And more importantly, I've missed my quiet heart. Where I can lie still for a moment and not feel the need to speak or feel guilty for not attacking my to-do list. I've appreciated receiving more hours at work, but I know my well-being needs these days of rest.

On my day off, I was able to finish editing Annie and Bryant's engagement session. I had a few of their pictures printed on 8x10s, and I no longer doubt the importance of printing your photographs. Details, details, details struck me harder than before, and their personal love was even more apparent than before.

Look at Bryant's hands. His fingers. The cracks. He is a tough man, a man's man. You could tell just by shaking his hand. Feeling the roughness hard work can only produce. But look pan out to look at the whole picture. He takes his bride-to-be's hand so gently. He tenderly kisses her. He knows how to love her, to lay aside his tough-exterior.

I had a fabulous day with Annie and Bryant (and Haley, our lovely tour guide and beloved friend). They were relate-able to Adam and me as a couple, and I believe that's why we got on so well...with the humor, the conversation, the excitement.

What a wonderful welcome I received on visiting their hometown! Their wedding is a few weeks before my own, and I am thrilled to work with them, their families, and friends! "We gonna paaaaartay!"

As I've typed and said things out-loud like "paaaaartay", I've had two cats accompany me on the bed, and let's just be honest. A nap with them sounds all sorts of good on this rainy day.

It's the weekend-- go out and LIVE it! :)

A Letter to Me.

Dear Me,

You're getting married in 5 months. 5 MONTHS! I can't believe it, so I know you can't believe it. You're going to be a bit swamped, and there will be moments where you feel like you're simply treading water amidst of sea of appointments, bills, and fittings. But you need to remember how you feel right now. Right this second.

I know that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed, but your JOY is bursting through every word you speak! You feel on top of the world-- designing center-pieces, prancing around in your wedding gown, and knowing that in a couple of months you'll be marrying your best friend.

You are content just to be here: in the midst of the planning, the anticipation, the love that comes only with upcoming nuptials. You are just like the windflowers you and your mama have hand-picked for your special day: swaying in the whirlwind of decisions, but standing tall with arms raised and eyes beaming.

Love,

Me